The people who travel with tour groups, by category

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Seasoned travelers will suggest that the only way to fully experience an exotic locale is to plunge right in without a tour group, and preferably alone.

Fair enough, but what 60-something, newbie globe-trotters (as I would describe myself and my wife) would chance a trip to India, for example, on their own? Instead, we have opted to travel in small groups of between 18 and 24 people.

We have been to places where we seemed to be the only Westerners, such as a Hindu festival in southern India and a smoky bar in Morocco where locals celebrated a World Cup qualification. We have also been in touristy sites such as Istanbul's Grand Bazaar, Marrakech's Jemaa el-Fnaa Square and Agra's Taj Mahal.

Overall, the trips have been immensely rewarding, and our fellow travelers have enriched the experiences. However, I have begun to notice that these folks are becoming oddly familiar. It's as if the same people are with us on every trip with their multi-pocketed vests, wrinkle-free nylon pants and cumbersome walking sticks.

They fall into the following categories:

The Camera Sherpas

Picture this: Several cameras and long lenses hang around the Sherpa's stressed neck. The rest of us are always in the way: "Could you please move? You are blocking my light." Yet, they are the ones we wait for as they fuss with the multiple settings and take another 50 pictures of a sleeping cat or a doorknob.

The Cult of Techies

Techies quickly form a bond as they fiddle with their phones, tablets, thumb drives, battery packs and cables, while confronting the complexities of photo sharing apps. "It's AirDrop, not Airport." "Try Bluetoothing it first." "Check your mailbox." "OK! I just got it! I'll post it on Facebook." "I'm already getting Likes!" Meanwhile, as they fiddle, they miss out on the most amazing moments of the trip.

The Inquisitors

These folks know all the Latin names for plants and animals. They test the local guide's patience with excruciating, hair-splitting questions that usually come at the end of the day when everyone is exhausted and desperate for quiet mental space. "You said the Roman agora was built in 6th century B.C.? I thought is was 7th century B.C."

The Yankee Problem Solvers

The Problem Solvers will explain how to solve a country's complex social problem to that country's native guide, suggesting improvements for a situation that almost always does not yield easily to improvement. "What the Christians should have done when the Ottomans came was what we did in Syracuse when the sanitation workers went on strike."

The Boasters

The Boaster ends all discussions with something like, "When I was in Botswana" or "when I was kayaking in Madagascar" or "when I was trekking in Chile." A Boaster will corner you on the bus and make you look at hundreds of photos from the last excursion. "Tell me that sunset isn't amazing? Oh, and here are my grandchildren when we were in Bhutan. Aren't they adorable!" (Note to all travelers: Your grandchildren are never, ever interesting to anyone but you.)

The Complainers

In India, the Complainer is quite sick of all the "damn tea." In Turkey, the coffee is too bitter, and why do they have to blare that call to prayer at 5 a.m.? In the Sahara Desert, he grouses about the lack of a consistent Wi-Fi signal. "How am I supposed to check my stock portfolio out here?"

The Exuberant Consumers

They arrive with two empty suitcases, intending to fill them to capacity. This is in addition to the Federal Express packages that will be sent stateside containing ceramic sinks, silk Ottoman prayer rugs, and hand-sewn saris. (How these items will fit into the design of a ranch house in Indiana is the real mystery.) Do not spoil the fun for the Exuberant Consumer by pointing out that the special "hand-made" camel Christmas ornament he discovered in the Rabat medina is the same one you grabbed out of a free box at a yard sale in Illinois.

The Doubters

At the Louvre, the Doubter wonders if that was the real Mona Lisa. "No way it's that small!" The Taj Mahal resembles nothing like the video he saw on YouTube. "I don't remember those minarets being there." At a fossil store in Morocco he will sidle up to you and whisper, "Those trilobites have got to be fake. How can something that old be that shiny?"

So, friends, be prepared to have your patience tested mightily when you sign up for a group tour. Along with bringing the usual traveler's pills and neck pillows, I recommend increasing your alcohol consumption at least twofold. Remember, you will probably never see these people again.

Well, not until your next trip.
Source: https://www.dallasnews.com

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